Case of the Mondays: Who is DoM hating now? The worst joke ever is you edition.

Secretly Space Jesus · November 17, 2008

We at the committee often struggle with our dizzying intellect and roguish good looks, and we know we aren't the only ones. But every now and then, the committee has to take it upon itself as an entity to rise up and fight to educate the poor, downtrodden, almost pathetically unintelligent masses. But like all the great figures of civilization, even we have our limits. So to answer the weekly question, "who is DoM hating now?", the answer is simply: each and every one of you. No exceptions.

Ok, there are exceptions.

You think that a team that is third in the league in defensive efficiency plays bad defense, even when you don't know what defensive efficiency means.

You whine about media bias in the Hollinger rankings, even though they're done by a computer with no human input at all, which it says on the page.

You can't see the benefit of getting opposing teams in foul trouble.

You all of a sudden think that Dwight isn't going to get enough touches because someone in the press told you to, even though it's been a problem for over two years, which a monkey in a top hat and monocle could have seen.

You think our go-to players should be two guys shooting a combined 38.7%.

You're afraid to have an unpopular opinion, so you parrot everyone else, even when everyone else is clearly wrong.

You have no interest in paying attention to what happens away from the ball, so your opinions are ill-informed at best and gibberish at worst.

You don't know the difference between a post shot and a post move.

You assume the espn trade checker also verifies that both GMs would agree to a trade.

You think that when facts disagree with your opinion, the facts must be wrong.

You didn't notice that Dwight has lowered his turnover rate again until the committee pointed out just now.

You think per48 stats mean something for players who haven't played 48 minutes all year.

You seriously thought Anthony Johnson should start at PG after the preseason.

Unrelated to anything I've written here, but I hate Tom Brady.

You will shift your logic any number of times to argue the same point for one player and against another.

You think a stupid shot isn't a stupid shot if it goes in.

You can't let go of irrational like/dislike of certain players, and as a result you won't accept criticism/compliments of those players when they deserve it.

You thought up a really great "DoM hates Hedo" joke in response to the previous bullet, and actually thought you were being clever.

Remember when she had a career? If you do, you should be ashamed of yourself.

You think that Iverson is a great defender because he gets a lot of steals.

You won't shut up about Mario freaking Chalmers because of that one game he had, as though he made a habit of it.

You probably like Carlos Mencia and Nickelback too, moron. Sweet Natalie Portman, it's hard to believe how much you suck.

Good day, Magic fans. As always, I'm Drunk on Mystery, and the knowledge you exist is a burden on my soul.

Secretly Space Jesus · November 17, 2008