Random Thoughts Thread

[Jareth Cutestory 678]

quote:

Originally posted by bballbabe:

Matt Damon is supposedly the sexiest man alive....who voted?

 

These guys.

[Osprey 199]

If you spin a chinese guy around and around in circles, does he become disoriented?

[bballbabe 0]

quote:

Originally posted by Jareth Cutestory:

quote:

Originally posted by bballbabe:

Matt Damon is supposedly the sexiest man alive....who voted?

 

These guys.

 

yeah, they do look like they would woop some arse about some Matt Damon.

[Osprey 199]

Speaking of China, I feel bad for the men over there. There's over a billion people in China.

 

Even if youre a "one-in-a-million" type of guy, there are still a thousand of you....

[Osprey 199]

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

 

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

 

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

 

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

 

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

 

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked

 

something.

 

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

 

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

 

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

 

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

 

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

 

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

 

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

 

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

 

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

 

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

 

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

 

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

 

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

 

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

 

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

 

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

 

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

 

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

 

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

 

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

 

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

 

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

 

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

 

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

 

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

 

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

 

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

 

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is

 

research.

 

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

 

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

 

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

 

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. (this is

 

one of my long time favorites)

 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried

 

before.

 

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

 

A fool and his money are soon partying.

 

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

 

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

 

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

 

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

 

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

 

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

 

Half the people you know are below average.

 

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

 

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

 

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

[Jareth Cutestory 678]

quote:

Originally posted by Osprey23:

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

 

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

 

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

 

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

 

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

 

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked

 

something.

 

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

 

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

 

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

 

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

 

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

 

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

 

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

 

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

 

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

 

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

 

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

 

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

 

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

 

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

 

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

 

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

 

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

 

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

 

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

 

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

 

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

 

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

 

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

 

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

 

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

 

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

 

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

 

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is

 

research.

 

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

 

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

 

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

 

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. (this is

 

one of my long time favorites)

 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried

 

before.

 

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

 

A fool and his money are soon partying.

 

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

 

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

 

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

 

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

 

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

 

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

 

Half the people you know are below average.

 

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

 

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

 

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

 

[Osprey 199]

Those all came from Steven Wright, who we read everyday on bumpers of the car in front of us in traffic.

 

Unrelated.... yet hilarious.

 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=z1k_JncKAws

[Jareth Cutestory 678]

[Osprey 199]

quote:

Originally posted by Jareth Cutestory:

 

I just pissed my pants.

 

Try this one.

 

[bballbabe 0]

quote:

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

 

the only time when second best is enough.

[Jareth Cutestory 678]

quote:

Originally posted by Osprey23:

quote:

Originally posted by Jareth Cutestory:

 

I just pissed my pants.

 

Try this one.

 

 

lmao.

 

[davcivic 11]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=2491LucLa1g

 

the king of the one liners..